The Perspective Check

Friday, November 21, 2008

By Janet P Schmidt

Pat and Ray are attending a project management meeting. As Pat is sharing some project design concerns Ray rolls his eyes and whispers something to his colleague/friend beside him. Pat notices the behaviour and assumes that Ray is taking a shot at Pat’s comments. Pat experiences the behaviour as disrespectful and rude. According to our Role Renegotiation Map this moment would be defined as a ‘pinch’.

All pinches are triggered by un-met expectations such as a misunderstanding, disagreement, a style of communicating, a mis-step (mistake), or simply different work styles and habits.

If Pat is like many people, she will most likely first complain to another colleague, hold on to it and be more cautious in Ray’s presence. These common workplace patterns do have a demonstrable negative impact on productivity and creativity. A better alternative is to have a helpful conversation about the pinch so that the action will not negatively impact the relationship and work.

In order to have a successful conversation we need to understand how communication works, both in the public and the private realm. The model (see insert) suggests that actions are public, visible to everyone that is present. What we often lose sight of is that actions are comprised of words (7%), tone (38%) and body language (55%). What is private are people’s intentions and goals that motivate the action, and correspondingly, the impact that our behaviour has on others is also private. Most often, a ‘pinch’ is a situation where the intention is positive and the impact is negative, with neither intention nor impact known to the other.

The goal of talking about it (what we call the perspective check) is to have the other disclose their intention, which will ultimately lead to resolution either through clarification or a renegotiation of workplace expectations (a change in behaviour) that could achieve the goals of the intention and not have a negative impact.

The most critical part of a successful perspective check is personal preparation prior to the conversation. Generally the preparation takes longer than the perspective check itself. The first challenge is to name the behaviour non-judgmentally. It is difficult to find descriptive words to identify tone of voice or body language. Descriptions such as ‘yelling’, ‘disrespectful’, ‘shut me down’, ‘power move’, etc. are all evaluative words that will be experienced as attacking. The second challenge is to suspend judgement and realize that we don’t know why the person did what they did unless they disclose their intention. We would describe this shift as moving from negative assumptions to curiosity. It is important to not believe everything you think! The third challenge is to become emotionally neutral.

The conversation itself is relatively simple and to the point. A perspective check is often only three sentences including an introduction to the conversation, identifying the ‘pinching’ action, and a question asking about the other’s intention. For example, Pat could say, “Hi, Got a minute? I wanted to check out something that happened at the meeting yesterday. When I was sharing my concerns about the project you rolled your eyes and whispered something to Chris, I’m wondering if I said something that was upsetting?” At this point you simply pause and let the other respond.

Frequent responses at this point are that the person apologizes for their behaviour, or provides information that reveals a misunderstanding or identifies a point of disagreement that will need to be discussed further. Occasionally the person begins to make excuses and becomes defensive. When this happens it is often helpful to share the effect of the other’s actions, “I felt dismissed and found it very difficult to stay focussed during the rest of the meeting”, and pause again.... If the defensiveness and minimization continues you can simply add, “in the future if you disagree with my comments I would ask that you raise it with the entire group so we can all sort through the problem together.”

Try the perspective check the next time you experience a ‘pinch’.